Allies
by Phuq
Summary: *sigh* I so tried to fit this into "Trials," but I couldn't, but my sidekick and my archnemesis said I should, and since I do not want to piss my archnemesis off, here it is!


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places mentioned in this fic I only wish I did blah blah blah on with the fic please review it thanx.

Talk about your weird Muses. This fic was inspired by the stupid "What I Did On Summer Vacation" essays the English teacher always have you write at the beginning of the year. *sigh* There are only so many ways to say "I sat on my ass and played video games for three months..." *sigh* Even great writers like myself find themselves up against the wall every now and then.

"What do you do when school lets out, Squall?" The innocent question jerks me out my... _dammit can't think of a good word. _Not that I wanna be thinking. Ever since Irvine brought up the orphanage, I've been remembering things about Matron and wondering how could I possibly, how could I even think about... "Ahem!"

"Sorry. Thinking." _Crap, _I must sound like a dork. Well, I always act like a dork around Rinoa. I think her stupidity is contagious. "What?"

"Quistis said I'd find you here. You know, everyone's been about as talkative as you since..."

"No." I don't wanna talk about it, I don't wanna think about it, and I don't wanna do it. Got that, Rinoa?

I expect her to press the issue, keep bugging me about it until I crack and tell her just to get her to shut up. But she doesn't. "Sorry..." Geez, even Rinoa's not talking? I gotta ask Irvine his secret, after I **kill him in his sleep... **I still don't see what good it does for me to know. "I was just wondering what you did when school let out, because you don't have a... you know?" I'm an orphan, not glass. No ones wants me. I've gotten used to it. **Say it.** _No one wants Squall. Poor, poor Squall. Pity him. Nobody loves him, nobody wanted to adopt him, he's all alone in this big, cold, cruel world and nobody would care if poor, poor Squall blew his pathetic head off. **Go on.**_ I'm dense and insensitive, but I'm not stupid. _Go ahead and pity Squall. He got over it. Squall's fine, no thanks to anyone, fuck you all very much. I don't need your goddamned pity, rich little army brat doesn't like daddy so she runs away and now she's in it over her head. _**Dammit,** why are you still here? You don't have to do this, so why are you? Why do you have to be so goddamned noble? I watch you fighting. You fight as well as the rest of us, but you shouldn't have to. I don't have a choice; if I did I wouldn't be here, I'd be as far away from Garden as possible, physically and mentally. I don't have a dad to send someone to protect, I got no one back home praying for me to stay alive. I'm alone, Rinoa, alone like you could never understand. I can't expect understand what your father is like; maybe you have your reasons for hating him. Maybe your life isn't as good as it seems; I dunno. _I can't understand... _because I **never got a goddamned chance to know. **"Squall?"

"Sorry."

"At least it's not 'whatever.'" Long silence. "Umm... if you don't wanna tell me, you don't have to. It's just that..." What? _It would be good for me? I should talk more? _"I can't help thinking about what's gonna happen. And I get scared... I just don't wanna hafta think about it right now." _Join the club._ "No one else wants to talk to me." _Can't blame 'em. _"Everyone just wants to be left alone and they're all... quiet. Even Zell... I said Hi and ignored me. I haven't even seen Selphie..." This is war, Rinoa. **War is hell**. People act different here. **Deal. **"Irvine... I feel kinda sorry for everything I said to him... I went to apologize and... he was crying." More than I needed to know. Why am I still here? "Quistis was..."

"Watching 'To Kill a Mockingbird' with Xu." Once (why do I remember this so clearly) she tried to make me watch it with her. We were... what... thirteen? So I was still talking a little... Right.

"'It's a Wonderful Life.' How'd you guess?" Surprised? We used to be friends. Me, Quistis, Seifer, and what's-her-name. We were the kids that stayed behind when everyone went home for summer. We didn't have homes, not like you. We didn't have anywhere to go, except Garden. We stayed through the summer with the juvenile delinquents and the retards. Nobody wanted us, except ourselves, everyone was against us, so we formed an alliance. We weren't friends, exactly; I don't think any of had what could be called a 'friend' back then; but if I'd died, they'd notice, and if one of them died, I would have noticed. It would have affected me. I wouldn't be sad; we weren't close enough, but I couldn't say everything was the same when one of us died. We called ourselves...

"Refugees."

"What's that?"

"Or AFCR. Alliance of Foster Care Refugees. Me, Quistis, Seifer, and a black girl. She's dead." We stopped noticing, we drifted apart, not that we were ever close. She wasn't strong enough, I guess, to lose what little she had, she couldn't take it. _How did she... _pills? Pills seems her style. Quiet, no mess, no fuss, just go to sleep and never wake up. _Peaceful..._

"What happened?" A lot of kids went to her funeral. I wonder if any of the besides us could even remember her name. **Doubtful. **They just came because she was the news of the day. Seifer wasn't there, though.

_No, wait._ Seifer was there. He stood in the corner of the church, looking shy and out of place. I guess he was embarrassed. Or afraid. Maybe he was afraid that the next time, it would be him in the big wooden box. "It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago."

"Squall..." I can feel the slight weight of her hand on my shoulder. I can't even remember the last time someone touched me just because... _Has_ anyone ever touched me? My parents never even knew me; they died so long ago. I can't remember.. I can't remember it ever happening because it never happened. No one wanted me, no one loved me... "Are you okay?

**_No... _**"Yeah. I'm fine."


End file.
